It happens only in Singapore

Each and everyone in our generation has seen videos on YouTube titled 'This happens only in India'. My friend (who prefers to be anonymous) posted this on Facebook, titled 'It happens only in Singapore'. I am not going to say anything more, just read it, its hilarious:

DNA matching? Comfort of their own rooms? ROFL

And after all that: 'Thank you for taking time to read this document.' ROFLOL

Cheers

Hema Malani's cheeks,not really. But it comes close.

A couple of days ago, I happened to read an article in the Bangalore Mirror saying that the Bangalore roads today are in a pathetic state. The reporter went on to say that the roads are full of potholes, speed bumps, slush, gravel and all sorts of other rubbish that should be somewhere else.

At that time, I agreed with that guy to the tee. I wanted to write a letter to the editor saying that " I totally agree with your employee. The roads today are freaking pathetic. They are the reason why my back hurts, they are the reason I am late to college everyday, the roads simply suck. All those BBMP babu's eat all the money we pay up as tax. Therefore I want to sue the BBMP and I humbly ask for your help"

But is was today that I realized that the roads in Namma Bangalore (Like Bangalore more than Bengaluru) are not as crappy as I thought. What made me change my mind? Read on.

Well I had been to Utsav today, the BMSCE fest. As you might know BMS is a looooong ride from home ( about 15 km). I left BMS at around 6:45 in the evening, on my bike. And about 5 minutes later, my bike started giving some problems.

If you have seen my bike, you would probably say that that is no surprise. Well it is a 19 year old Hero Honda CD 100, and i am very happy with it. It is an ideal student bike. Just fill it, shut it and forget it. Gives reasonably good mileage. And there are hardly any problems with it. It has never gotten punctured in the 4 years that I've had it. Never needs servicing. Its is just a zero frills bike.

So what happened to the bike? Well it was something unique. The head light kept going off at random and coming back on (also at random). And it so happened that it went off in some residential area (some side lane of Basavanagudi) where the power had been cut off (Its summer in Bangalore, so power cuts are pretty common). But I for one couldn't care any less for the lack of light on the road, happily cruising on bike humming to Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb

'IIIIIIIII HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB'. Then all of a sudden i hit a sharp road hump on the road.

I was just about to curse the road hump, when I realized " Hey! The lights are back on". EUREKA, I found the cure for the Flickering Headlight Instability. The cure was the road bumps. So, all through the 15 km journey, I was looking for pot holes, speed-bumps or, anything that could shake up the front part of my bike so the lights could come back on.

At first I thought 'How could it be to find pot holes in Bangalore'. Believe me or not, I had to ride in darkness for most of my journey. From Basavanagudi to Town Hall to Palace Road to The Golf Course to Mekhri Circle To Sanjaynagar, all i could find were only about a handful of 'Bad patches' on the road.

So what's the moral of the story. Well there a few:

1) Bangalore Mirror sucks. Their research is faulty. Don't read it. (Just read one column that appears everyday some where in the middle. Its always really really REALLY funny. And you know which column. *wink*.

2) The babu's don't eat as much as we think they do.

3) The roads might not be as smooth as 'Hema Malini's Cheeks' but they aren't as rough as an alligator's either.

Cheers

Frenchie ;P

Very few of my friends know that i had taken French classes at Alliance Francaise over the summer, and now that thats over one of my friends asked me to teach him all i learnt. So here is all the French i learnt:

Lesson 1: The last letter of each word is unnecessary. Just knock it off (except in the case of a liaison, but thats advanced you wouldn't need that). So when you meet a French guy just omit the last letters of each word and eventually you will be speaking to him in French.

Lesson 2: Don't offer a French guy pani puri. He might think that it is Panier pourri meaning Rotten basket (pronounced same as pani puri, Refer lesson 1).

Lesson 3: Ecoutez. Pronounced as Aekuthey. The nearest word of course is in Hindi, “Aye Kuttay”. The French word means “Listen” and I guess the Hindi part is self explanatory again.

Finally i saw this wonderful plaque, probably the most original bathroom sticker I have seen. This was the most enlightening experience of my brief study at AFB.

Cut the crap (or shit)

I was watching a repeat of Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull yesterday. Then i realised that the subtitles of the movie are not exactly what the people in the movie say. If you need an example the word "SHIT" is always replaced by "CRAP" (Bullshit always comes up as Bullcrap on the subtitles). COME ON, I know the two words are synonymous but are they interchangeable?

From my extensive research i have come to the following conclusions

a) The two words in question are most generally used as swear words.

b) Swear words are found to have a profound impact on the user's anger, it cools them down by heating their surroundings (First law of thermodynamics you nitwit)

Have you ever wondered why people don't use a word like hypothalamus or macroeconomics as swear words. It is simply because it fails to give them the satisfaction a swear word like shit does. Come on try it. Next time you are angry (That would be after you have read this) just yell out hypothalamus, you will not be contented

Now that we have done that little exercise, lets apply this to the original question. Can the word crap be used in place of shit. Do the exercise again when angry yell out SHIT, then yell out CRAP. In my survey i found that a shit gives a lot more satisfaction than a crap.

So if someone from star networks reads this then please stop modifying the subtitles. Come on we hear them saying shit, its absurd you guys have to change it in the subs.

Conclusion: Shit and Crap may be synonymous but are not interchangeable, particularly in the verbal forms of the English language for the simple reason that a shit gives a more satisfying result than a crap.

I feel this a prefect time to describe a hotel near Delhi that has a sign on the loo saying: Toilet only yahaan tatti karna mana hai

Cheers